a chink in my armour.....

A few days ago, I had a birthday, and my blog had a birthday too, the same day actually!......I have found myself feeling a little closed off lately. Finding it hard to share here, getting stuck over commenting, wanting to connect but not really feeling able to.......sometimes wondering what it's all about. Wondering if I still can. Without telling it all.....which I can't. Because the story belongs to someone else too. But you will know that life in the teenage parenting zone isn't easy a whole lot of the time.

Some birthdays we decide that they are not really going to touch us. We decide it's really just another day. It's just not that important. That's what I decided. And for anyone without a significant other adult in their life and a sick and coughing teenager in bed, it seems like the best thing.

Until I saw this bunch of Peonies in the supermarket......as I was leaving. Now I don't usually buy cut flowers, unless they are cheap and cheerful Daffs, I love wild flowers and the blossoms and just what I can find growing. But these stopped me in my tracks and for some reason they were reduced......and I knew they would be coming home with me.

So I stood there in the queue, clutching my prize Peonies. Trying not to look for all the world like I was buying myself flowers.......and I know what your thinking, but why on earth not!......but that's just how it was.

And while I was stood there I saw a sweet looking couple come in, with arms linked together, they looked so lovely and I swear they were almost promenading the supermarket!......I knew them vaguely. Warm humorous and very dapper, they steered themselves straight towards me and my Peonies.....whereupon, I found myself whispering that I was indeed buying them for my birthday......and from him being of the gentlemanly kind, I found myself bestowed with a very proper birthday kiss......That I totally hadn't expected.......and threatened hugely to crash through my defences. Right there and then.

The tears stung and hung there. I felt the heat and emotion burst through...... I did make it to the car before blubbering......the universe had found a way to bring me flowers and a birthday kiss!

and the blubbering hovered all day, but in a good way :-) 

it's better to feel.

Some people are able to make little bridges and find the well needed chink in our armour....... don't you think? and then the light can come flooding in.

All day I marveled at the sweetness of these Peonies and that delicate spot they had reached into. Like a sweet soft feathery flamingo kiss! They made the day.

You know when your expectations are greatly reduced, the smallest gestures can be so powerful.

and I heartily recommend buying yourself flowers on your birthday and chocolate too!


easter time

I picked these spring flowers yesterday, I thought it was time I dragged myself into a little bit of Easter decorating. I also ate the chocolates from inside my Easter egg, but don't tell anyone......

This year it's some blooms from around the garden. I love the red Tulips and the pink blossom. A green vintage doily found out on jolly jaunt around Bristol this week where I almost walked my poor little feet off..... some painted wooden eggs, a little wooden bunny and the little brooch made from this months Mollie Makes free gift.

What do you think of the chalk paint?!......it's very white isn't it....... I did promise a little chalk paint post. But I'm not sure how much there is so much to say. This is what the table looked like before. I chose chalk paint because the original wood had a layer of varnish. Chalk paint is supposed to be able to be applied to anything, without any preparation to the surface.

I think the chalk paint went on well to the table. Probably helped by the mainly smooth surface. It's quite forgiving, covering old chipped paint and damage quite easily. It's quite thick and you need to paint fast. I painted in sections, one plank at a time, and you need to finish with the brush strokes going the same way. It dries fast and does feel very chalky!

To get a smooth finish I gave the table a very light sand, painted a second coat and then finished by polishing with a soft wax. The wax gives the chalk paint a sheen and makes it feel more like normal paint. You could distress the paint with more sanding at this point, but I think this will happen naturally. I don't think it's that durable, and I don't think I would be in a hurry to use it again. It's probably great for picture frames, smaller, harder to paint objects.....and definitely not for very porous, large, fiddly objects, like benches!

I ran out of paint after one coat for the bench. What I need to do is give it a good sand down and just use some normal paint. But you know, life moves on and sometimes these things come back around another day.....

Other things call, like a sunny moment up on the common. This was quite heavenly. I dropped down into the grass, just to take it all in. Sitting down amongst the wild flowers.

It's so lovely up here. I've been carrying little dog around, but now she walks a little bit here and there. Her leg is mending.

What a sweet heart. We need to come up here. It kind of puts everything into perspective.

......when everything's a bit difficult back at the ranch.....Wild orchids and Cowslips, natures bounty.

More sunny spring days please...... 


chalk painting, cakes and the evening light

Here is a little peek at my new chalk painted table. I'm really pleased how it's finished up. I will show you more shots soon and perhaps do a little chalk painting post. Chalk painting turns into a mission. I can share that with you. These sweet little cakes were on sale, 23p each!! and I won't be able to share these because I can tell you I ate them all. In the quest for keeping up moral and all that.

article by Greedy for colour

Another thing which slipped into my basket this week, was the Simply Crochet magazine. I've become quite good at not buying magazines but I think the thing that toppled me was this article,

How to make Becky Garratt's rainbow daschund. So cute, I have spotted him before.
One day sweet doggy, You will be mine!

moral boosting things!

So anyway, on with the chalk painting. The table is a success. It's very bright. Very. We could wear sunglasses while we eat. It's bounces a huge amount of light into the room. All good. But then, I decided to paint the bench.......after mistakenly buying paint that was just not the right colour. I was looking for a gentle grey/blue and it ended up looking like an undercoat. What really exasperated me was that I've made the very same mistake before. I've probably gone through same thought process and pointed at the same colour again. What a ninny. I was a bit cross with myself. 

So the only thing to do was grab the remainder of the chalk paint. I slung some into a jar and mixed in some pale green acrylic in a kind of I just don't care anymore. Started painted. I had a kind of vintage green idea, but this wasn't going to be right either. So I went back to the white. We'll go with white. Just paint. Paint the slats, more slats, back of the slats, the side of the slats........I could see this was going to take time. I started to lose the will to live at this point! 
Chalk paint on a bench is not a good idea. Life is like that sometimes. It's all part of the creative journey!! But I've started now and I will get there in the end.

Why it was so important to have a white painted bench and table I couldn't tell you right now.
Infact I can now see there is a whole other world out there. Away from the chalk paint....

called out into the evening light.
 Some beautiful moments at the end of the day. I had a little wander. It just helped me to put everything back into context.

bathed in a golden light
It's so easy to lose track of the important things. I'm usually trying to avoid something difficult when I get like this.

the evening sun
Time to breathe out, everything is okay. If a little intense at times.

a golden sun going down.

and there is a whole lovely world out there.
back soon.



my blessings today

I have just been thinking and feeling a little bit lost in doom and gloom, and that really I should be counting my blessings today instead, so here they are:-

I live in a beautiful home.

I have an amazing garden.

I have resources of my own.

I am free.

I live in a democratic society and am free to make my own decisions about life. 

I have a smart, articulate, switched-on son.

I have a dog who is well and healing.

I have a lovely craft room and supplies.

I have good ideas.

I can run and dance!

I have a great mentor.

Today is a good day..........

and on that note I will resume chalk painting my table and look forward to showing you more soon.

p.s. I'm loving this list.