30.4.14

a chink in my armour.....


A few days ago, I had a birthday, and my blog had a birthday too, the same day actually!......I have found myself feeling a little closed off lately. Finding it hard to share here, getting stuck over commenting, wanting to connect but not really feeling able to.......sometimes wondering what it's all about. Wondering if I still can. Without telling it all.....which I can't. Because the story belongs to someone else too. But you will know that life in the teenage parenting zone isn't easy a whole lot of the time.


Some birthdays we decide that they are not really going to touch us. We decide it's really just another day. It's just not that important. That's what I decided. And for anyone without a significant other adult in their life and a sick and coughing teenager in bed, it seems like the best thing.


Until I saw this bunch of Peonies in the supermarket......as I was leaving. Now I don't usually buy cut flowers, unless they are cheap and cheerful Daffs, I love wild flowers and the blossoms and just what I can find growing. But these stopped me in my tracks and for some reason they were reduced......and I knew they would be coming home with me.

So I stood there in the queue, clutching my prize Peonies. Trying not to look for all the world like I was buying myself flowers.......and I know what your thinking, but why on earth not!......but that's just how it was.

And while I was stood there I saw a sweet looking couple come in, with arms linked together, they looked so lovely and I swear they were almost promenading the supermarket!......I knew them vaguely. Warm humorous and very dapper, they steered themselves straight towards me and my Peonies.....whereupon, I found myself whispering that I was indeed buying them for my birthday......and from him being of the gentlemanly kind, I found myself bestowed with a very proper birthday kiss......That I totally hadn't expected.......and threatened hugely to crash through my defences. Right there and then.


The tears stung and hung there. I felt the heat and emotion burst through...... I did make it to the car before blubbering......the universe had found a way to bring me flowers and a birthday kiss!

and the blubbering hovered all day, but in a good way :-) 

it's better to feel.

Some people are able to make little bridges and find the well needed chink in our armour....... don't you think? and then the light can come flooding in.


All day I marveled at the sweetness of these Peonies and that delicate spot they had reached into. Like a sweet soft feathery flamingo kiss! They made the day.

You know when your expectations are greatly reduced, the smallest gestures can be so powerful.



and I heartily recommend buying yourself flowers on your birthday and chocolate too!



38 comments:

  1. This is so beautiful Heather thank you for sharing this really heart felt story. Your flowers are beautiful just like you and I am so pleased that your day became a special one x it's my birthday tomorrow and I may very well buy myself some beautiful flowers too xxx Happy birthday to you lovely xox

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  2. My goodness .. It's all about birthdays. It was mine yesterday. Taureans all. I am so glad you had those peonies and that kiss. Happy Birthday and may your days begin to get a little easier x

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  3. Bless your heart my dear - happy birthday too. Some days, some things just catch you unaware. I remember many years ago a man was asking for money outside a supermarket and he called out to me and said: 'Cheer up it may never happen'. I cried back: 'Perhaps it already has' and burst into tears. Life was difficult for me at that time for many reasons. When I came out of the supermarket the man was waiting patiently by the door - waiting to apologise for upsetting me and he was sorry that life was difficult at the moment. I cried even more........
    Special days ahead
    Best wishes
    Jenny

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  4. How lovely! Wishing you a Happy Birthday and happier days ahead. You can also feel very alone within a family. I think I may buy myself some non-birthday flowers tomorrow. X



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  5. That was written so beautifully.....wishing you a happy birthday....and enjoy those flowers, you deserve them!!!! S xo

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  6. I'm glad you bought yourself those beautiful peonies, and I wish you a belated happy birthday. Wishing you love a happiness for the coming year sweetheart :) x

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  7. True beauty's and many happy returns.

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  8. Happy birthday Heather, I am so, so glad you bought the flowers and enjoyed a birthday kiss, you need these pretty little moments in life! You don't always have to keep the armor shiny and strong, and I say this knowing full well I am very similar in nature to you. Allow yourself to feel! May you have many happy days this year. Chrissie x

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  9. Lovely flowers and you certainly deserve them. Happy Birthday!

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  10. Happy Birthday to you and your blog!
    I know what you mean about the privacy and teenagers, I regret oversharing about mine and am considering deleting some of it.
    The flowers are beautiful and you deserved them.
    Susan xx

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  11. So glad that you could cry in a good way on your birthday! Hope your lovely teenager is feeling better x Jane

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  12. Like some of the beautiful flowers that grace our lives, so we also have times when we need to close our petals and protect ourselves ….. I looked at your first delightful peony pic and saw your beautiful heart, Heather, mostly always giving but just now and then needing just a little rest time …..rest gently dear girl! Happy Birthday and congrats on the Anniversary of your lovely blog, where you always share so openly and honestly, and I hope your boy is soon feeling better in every way! Much love, Joy xo

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  13. Happy Birthday dear Heather. Your flowers are beautiful and your words are too.
    I hope this coming year is kind to you and yours.
    Jacquie x

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  14. You were so good in the way you told your day and your feelings Heather…..
    Very brave and yes you need to leave your armour somewhere…. forget about it from time to time!
    kisses for you and your teen, Ale

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  15. Happy Birthday Heather. The flowers are lovely and so necessary sometimes. I've just had my birthday too, which was marked by a bunch of red roses. Jacqui x

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  16. Sending you a birthday hug Heather :-) ...and one for each day of the year ahead.
    Blessings, Tracey xx

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  17. Hey Heather,

    That will stay with me, what you wrote about our expectations. Sending you love from Cornwall.

    Leannexx

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  18. Happy belated birthday to you and your blog. Difficult teenage days are behind us...oldest is now 25 and one of my best friends. That was not the case 10 years ago. It does get better. Sending you hugs today.

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  19. Oh bless you. Birthday wishes to you. Such gorgeous flowers, I love peony's deffinitely my favourites x x x

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  20. What a beautiful moment to share, thank you xx

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  21. Happy belated birthday! The peonies are beautiful, and I'm so glad you splurged and bought them for yourself. The timing of the gentleman at the store couldn't have been better. Sometimes it is the smallest kindnesses that mean the very most.

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  22. Hugs to you and happy birthday, Heather.

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  23. Thank you for sharing - you touched a nerve. X

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  24. Sorry to hear that you are not happy with your blogging, but Congratulations on doing something for yourself on your birthday! Happy Birthday to you and your blog. I hope that you have a great year and that you enjoy many more bunches of flowers!! xx

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  25. What a great cheerer-upper - and a belated happy birthday!!
    I am actually waiting for my own paeonies to bloom and as I have to go shopping in a minute, I think I may bring that forward and see if I can buy myself some - yours are such a beautiful coral shade :)
    And yes, difficult teens drive one to distraction - I am cooler with my 3rd now that the older 2 have turned out so lovely as adults, yours will, too, I'm sure!!

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  26. What a beautifully written post, and brave of you to bare your soul. I love peonies, they are such brazenly beautiful blooms. Serendipity at the supermarket too, on your special day.

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  27. Beautiful peonies, some times things are just meant to be, it was my birthday this week too and I spent most of the day on the brink of tears birthdays are tricky things but I wish you and you're blog a very happy belated birthday
    Clare

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  28. What a lovely story ... birthday hugs to you lovely ... Bee xx

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  29. With December birthdays, my husband and I celebrate for a week each. We highly recommend it. In life, feel the lows to feel the highs. Happiest of birthdays, yet. xxxooo e

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  30. Oh Heather, I want to give you a HUGE hug. It's totally fine to buy yourself flowers at any time, but good lord, especially on your birthday. And happy birthday to you my lovely. What glorious flowers they are, I love peonies, they always feel like a real treat for some reason, maybe because they aren't in season for all that long. x

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  31. I want to hug you too! Well done on buying yourself such gorgeous flowers - you do indeed deserve it. Peonies are so glamorous and for some reason when they're in the house you just have to keep looking at them.
    And it's lovely to read a post where someone opens up. I do it (very) occasionally then panic about over-sharing. But as a reader it's good to know more, to understand, empathise and connect.
    Sending you my very best wishes!
    Sarah x

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  32. Hello Heather, I have just stumbled on your blog via Stephanie. I don't blog-surf very often but somehow you know how it is - sometimes you come across the name of a blog or that little thumbnail picture and you think "I'm going to click into this one, I have a good feeling". Well it just happened and I'm so glad I did! I started reading your posts and couldn't stop ...you have a beautiful blog and your writing chimes with me. I hope you don't mind if I add you to my blog roll ...?

    I hope you are feeling better and the sun is shining in the Cotswolds:-) oh and Happy Birthday!

    Jeanne

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  33. What a lovely, honest post. A huge happy birthday to you, and yes, we should treat ourselves every now and then. Sending you a belated birthday kiss.

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  34. lovely post..bless you hx

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  35. ~ This beautifully written post has touched us all on here Heather....I buy my self flowers when ever I have a few pennies to spare, life's far to short not too....:)..Blowing belated kisses your way too, for you birthday..I do hope the young ones are much better too...Ooh and chrissie's bag is adorable, she's a lovely kind lady..With twinkles..Maria x....

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  36. Very belatedly, Happy Birthday. Which comment doesn't come close to doing justice to your thoughtful post. May there always be flowers and kisses on your birthday Heather, wherever they arrive from x

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  37. Hi Heather, I've been very tardy in reading all my favourite blogs and totally missed this post. So, it's way too long ago to wish you a Happy Birthday, but I want to wish you a Happy Day Today! I love that you bought beautiful flowers and received a random birthday kiss : -)

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