A few days ago, I had a birthday, and my blog had a birthday too, the same day actually!......I have found myself feeling a little closed off lately. Finding it hard to share here, getting stuck over commenting, wanting to connect but not really feeling able to.......sometimes wondering what it's all about. Wondering if I still can. Without telling it all.....which I can't. Because the story belongs to someone else too. But you will know that life in the teenage parenting zone isn't easy a whole lot of the time.
Some birthdays we decide that they are not really going to touch us. We decide it's really just another day. It's just not that important. That's what I decided. And for anyone without a significant other adult in their life and a sick and coughing teenager in bed, it seems like the best thing.
Until I saw this bunch of Peonies in the supermarket......as I was leaving. Now I don't usually buy cut flowers, unless they are cheap and cheerful Daffs, I love wild flowers and the blossoms and just what I can find growing. But these stopped me in my tracks and for some reason they were reduced......and I knew they would be coming home with me.
So I stood there in the queue, clutching my prize Peonies. Trying not to look for all the world like I was buying myself flowers.......and I know what your thinking, but why on earth not!......but that's just how it was.
And while I was stood there I saw a sweet looking couple come in, with arms linked together, they looked so lovely and I swear they were almost promenading the supermarket!......I knew them vaguely. Warm humorous and very dapper, they steered themselves straight towards me and my Peonies.....whereupon, I found myself whispering that I was indeed buying them for my birthday......and from him being of the gentlemanly kind, I found myself bestowed with a very proper birthday kiss......That I totally hadn't expected.......and threatened hugely to crash through my defences. Right there and then.
The tears stung and hung there. I felt the heat and emotion burst through...... I did make it to the car before blubbering......the universe had found a way to bring me flowers and a birthday kiss!
and the blubbering hovered all day, but in a good way :-)
it's better to feel.
Some people are able to make little bridges and find the well needed chink in our armour....... don't you think? and then the light can come flooding in.
All day I marveled at the sweetness of these Peonies and that delicate spot they had reached into. Like a sweet soft feathery flamingo kiss! They made the day.
You know when your expectations are greatly reduced, the smallest gestures can be so powerful.
and I heartily recommend buying yourself flowers on your birthday and chocolate too!