|moody blue skies from Portishead Marina Bristol|
But still, yesterday I listened to a podcast where the lady who mistakenly married very young, realized that her relationship was making her ill and that one day, she left that relationship. All the other elements in her life stayed the same, work, friends, interests. But leaving that one element behind, changed everything and her health return, almost overnight. Just by changing one thing.
This story speaks to me. Some elements of my life feel stuck. Like I'm not thriving. I'm stuck in situations with people which show no sign of changing. Truthfully I know life is always changing, because that's what it does, but which thing can I change? deep down I know it's the house I live in. I've had lodgers living here for the last 10 years, the whole time in fact. It's brought some great times and I've met some lovely people who have become friends. The financial aspect has been much needed. But for the last few years it has been waning. One situation there feels stuck, and although I feel I understand the reasons why and have worked hard to raise the vibration around it. It needs to change. On a personal level I find they don't completely honour who I am. It feels like looking at an old program which needs an update. And it could also be a mirror of some aspect of me which needs to change. I know that too. I feel like I am in stalemate. I start to feel myself shrinking and the walls build up higher. And I want to break free of them.
And then within our family situation there is one element that just won't change. I feel I've tried everything. Persuasion, force, therapy, modeling behaviour, I'm trying acceptance now. but you still know it's happening and your still collaborating. I can't change anyone can I and I can't save anyone else either. That's hard. That's a big lesson for me. I can only state my truth I think. Live my truth. Even if at times I'm still caught up in other peoples stuff.
So maybe at some point I will move. Maybe all the other elements will stay the same, and maybe some will change around that, we will have to see. Changes will be a foot eventually. Perhaps I will move to the coast. It's a process isn't it and we are all in it.
On my blog, I guess things have changed here. I've been absent. I don't read blogs anymore. I've enjoyed the freedom of that. I don't have a blog reader anymore. Although I had to scramble mine because, they don't actually let you leave. I follow by email on some.
I took my blog roll down this morning. Perhaps I will gradually re-instate it with a few people who are on my radar. I've been enjoying a few minimalist living blogs and I haven't given up on my creativity, which I hope to build my new life around in some way. This seems to be a time of shedding for me, and then looking more closely at what is still there. I'm enjoying instagram. My shop seems to have sat in that static place which I find other areas of my life are in. I'm not quite sure what to make of that, except maybe other people aren't as keen on the denim backing as I am! and do I want to keep making cushions anyway? I think I will take down my Etsy badge to, see who I am without that here.
So I may ramble here for a while. It feels like it's really just me and my waffle so far. But I like this space, always have and may waffle here some more. Like a journal perhaps. I can't do nicey nice right now. I have this piece of grit to roll around first and who knows maybe it will become a pearl, one day in the future.
May the day bring you clarity and strength,