Bristol harbour on a Sunday and some thoughts.

I love this image of balance and touch.

Portishead Harbour

boat traffic signals

I wonder what it would be like to live on the harbourside?

Nice to have a yellow front door

I like watching the lifeboat go through their manoeuvers.

A hopeful February stand, outside the RNLI shop

An interesting beach here on the estuary when the tide goes out. Lots of pottery and glass.

All the old buildings have been converted into houses.

They do like their pastels here.

I took these a few weeks ago. It seemed a shame not to share. I do love a day out. Takes me out of my normal way of thinking. I must do more. I love exploring. I'm enjoying my camera again. I haven't taken a single shot on my phone hardly this year.

I think I'm re-connecting with myself again. I'm blogging, taking photos, making things. Listing on etsy. I'm really enjoying flickr. It's so nice to see pictures again in landscape and portrait, I find so much inspiration there. My ideas of what I want to to do are beginning to crystalize.

I'd like to say it's because I'm not going on instagram. But I think that would be giving it too much credit. I've been cutting out a lot of other distractions as well. I'm trying to maintain a focus, which I didn't have before, or if I did it was constantly diluted by everything else. Sometimes I think I am just being solitary, but deep down I know I need this to touch on something in myself.

There is still so much inspiration out there. It doesn't go away, because your not scrolling daily through feeds. It reaches you anyway, and in other ways. I think it strengthens your intention. Now I scroll through a little list in my head of things which I have decided I want to make/do/learn and decide what needs to happen next to move me towards that.

I feel like I'm starting to follow my own path. And I have to weigh that up as more important than knowing what's happening else where. The important stuff finds you anyway. That's what I think. Sometimes I just get a prompt to go somewhere and there is something I was glad I didn't miss.

So I think I need to trust that what I need and what inspires me is going to cross my path anyway, and there has been so much inspiration over the last few years, I feel like it's time to assimulate some of it.

Some life stuff happened here over the last week or so, which threatened to tip me off down a slippery slope. Just some sad things which happen in our lives now and again. Without my new found structure of daily stretching and clearer thinking, I think I would have toppled into a kind of crisis. But I'm happy to say that I was able to see the warning signs and adjust my thinking accordingly, and make some decisions to hold steady in what's right for me, and what I can do. We don't have to be heroes. We don't need to feel guilty about what we can't do. We just need to find that place where we can be okay in our selves and all that radiates out from that point. I read a good quote this week: 'draw in to be able to beam out your light more further', by Lindsay Mack on Alana Hellbig's Podcast, Untangled. I like that. 

So here we are at the weekend. I hope you do some nice things. I will be out another teenage 'airsoft' mission this Sunday. In a new place, yay! Well a new old place, nearer to the outskirts of London, where I am from. So I'll see what that brings. I've got some lovely new wool too, so it could be lots of crochet somewhere. I'm kind of hoping :-) Enjoy.

♥

photo diary

Hello, hello....I thought I would make it back here before I did. The time slipped away. January slipped away, and here we are in Febuary already. But I have been using my camera, hurrah! In fact it's all I've been using. So the blogger that I aspire to be, I must bring the photos here and tell you a little of life around here.

little blooms in my yard

This photo takes me back to my last post on instagram. At least several weeks ago now. Something happened for me around that time. My phone was threatening to combust if I took another photo. It was full and I found I just wasn't using my old camera, and I had begun to feel as though I had just lost a year on instagram, as wonderful as it is.

very strange gluten free muffins

I had just made these blueberry muffins. I was really excited because after several months of gluten free eating, I was finally baking. On the first day of eating the taste was lost in a frenzy of coconut cream and jam and photo opportunities. The next day I realized just how awful they were and how much lovely ingredients I had wasted making them, and after eating them I didn't feel good either.

What has this to do with instagram you might ask?....I can't tell you exactly, but I wondered just how many more awful moments, crappy makings, dire recipes, were disguised on there! How easy it was to hide the truth, in just a photo. And I wondered why I want to lose time from my life, reading about them, and if I might have had enough for a while. I know it can be an inspiring and entertaining place, and I still think about the people I met there. So I won't say never.

But I was definitely addicted to my phone. I think most of us these days are struggling with an on-line addiction of some kind. Something else I realized was that I don't think it would matter if you had a million follows or 10. The addiction is the same. It's like you either smoke or you don't smoke. It's what you do to relax. Before you do that thing, after you do that thing, instead of doing that thing. Once you start using, it seeps into everything you do, every free moment. Instagram is shaping your life, you are not.

Really I just don't think I'm supposed to be there. I think I'm supposed to be doing something else. I'm not missing anything either, It's just that simple.

I just want to tell you that those first few days, I felt liberated. Like I had finally taken my day and my power back. That wears off of course, as you create the new norm. But I have been so much more productive. My thinking feels different. I occasionally just sit and think, allow thoughts to reach me in a way they couldn't before. I craft, I still take photos on my camera. I read the blogs I still follow, mainly through email now.

Things like instagram and facebook are used a lot, by people in business to drive traffic to their website or shop. It is the social media buttons for something else, their real work. That's how I see it. To just get stuck there, is not what I want. I know a few are there to just spread a little happiness around in that corner of the web, and that's fine too. I just want to do my real work. I'm still working on that ;-) and then maybe I will fling out a few ig posts, just to celebrate that. So I have planted a few flowers there and left them to grow a while.

frost on the common

Well okay, that was definitely a rant. Should I stop there, or just keep going?!..... I will lighten things up. So January, well it was cold! We had some frosty days, a little snow, some mist and fog. A cough which kept me of the common and walking in the warmer bottom of the valley. A whole load of soups, warmth and self-care has been the order of the day.

a gift of socks

I was bowled over by a gift of hand made socks from an on-line friend on flickr. They are so comfy and special, and I must, must learn, how to make them!

drippy trees

There's been some lovely photo opportunities. I carry my camera everywhere, so I don't miss them!

handmade hats

Two hats have been made. I loved working with the pinks, and it's a fun hat. But I think 'slouchy beanie' is not quite the right look for me! I treated myself to some luxury yarn for my next hat, and oh my, what a difference, and I love it. I will show you soon.

blue sky and seed pods

Oh yes, spotted blueskies. Always noteworthy in Jan. So pretty against last years seed pods.

At home. Landlady duties here ramped up this month. A couple left and one was away for 6 weeks, so I found myself constantly checking heating and worrying about frozen pipes. But all was well and some changes are definitely afoot. I don't blog about everything of course, and there are perhaps some missing parts to the picture you see here. But I share what feels right. I often used to blog about how a situation made me feel, even if not all the details. Looking back some of my posts felt a little heavy I guess. And life is still not perfect, but looking up I think.

It feels good to be here. I hope your still here too. Give me wave. Onwards and upwards as they say!

♥ 

Keeping on rolling...

sweet smelling hawthorne blossom on the common

I think I began my blog just after my birthday four years, although I have been quiet of late. I recently tried to get the process moving again, in a slightly awkward and different kind of way. It would be fair to say that my blog is probably going through some kind of personality crisis. Am I a crochet blog? will I be a creative maker? or a de-cluttering/simple living writer. Will I let go of most of my possessions, build a tiny house on wheels and roll of into the sunset, or to the sea? Will I go off on a midlife wildwoman adventure and live in my car or a van, crocheting wonderful shawls and breathing in the air at that awesome place where the land meets the sea?  And what will I do about the teenager?

the wildflowers are dancing

Or is it about me and my soul searching, and how much am I prepared to talk about it?  And if you had read my last posts you would see there was also a whole lot of blaming going on there too. One of my least admirable traits. Not pretty. I know. I also know that whatever we can see in someone else is a pretty clear indication of what's going on in us, so I humbly say that, yes indeed I have felt pretty stuck myself recently.

the common is in it's sweet meadow place right now

But I think I might be about to turn a corner. Just quietly you know. In a kind of no one else will probably notice kind of way. I tend to roam this green and lovely planet mostly on my own these days, with my little dog at my heels. In fact only this morning I thought to myself, I only want to be up on this common, or at home doing my things, or else down there on our lovely south west coast line touring around. Oh and if this is a wishlist of  kinds then a few little European adventures, wouldn't go amiss, one day. And what would I do on this journey you might ask? well that is a good question and I can't answer that right now. Perhaps I would find some wares to make along the way. I would run my little etsy shop on route. Perhaps it would just be a spring to autumn time adventure. Or maybe the teenager, would need me around more than I think. So perhaps I will become a weekend adventurer!... Well a girl can dream can't she.

my little dog on the common

You can see my blog roll has changed now. It speaks to me more of the need to free up my life, reduce my possessions, live life a little differently. Open up the possibility for adventure. Let it out.

I'm very inspired by what Amanda Sandlin atwildwomen is doing, with her creative adventures, even though she is so much younger. So here I am at 47 and I still feel like it's all ahead of me, but in a different way.

frothy cowparsley

So until I work it out I will continue to wander and scheme about it all, and really that is the fun bit! So I won't be giving up this space any time soon. I need it to contain all my dreams and makings and some tough bits too. And yes there have been makings, I have a few things to show you soon.

butterfly wrap - my little red suitcase

I imagine myself wrapping this shawl around me with it's soft chunky yarn to keep me warm while the sunsets and the waves lap at the shore....while I breathe in the fresh air and clear space that I am making in my life, and feel held there. Looking after my life in a way that works for me and for my son too.

♥ 

Quick update on where I am around the web:-

My blog - here to stay! (see my first little red suitcase post!)

Instagram - yes,yes!..but also no, no! in the way that it sucks life out of any other time to do anything else creative, needs mindfulness.

Flickr - I still love the photos here.

My shop - Just updated and plan on trying to make it happen.

Pinterest - Surprisingly inspiring and useful, used with intention. 

♥

the changing landscape

moody blue skies from Portishead Marina Bristol

Yesterday I talked about a changing landscape. An internal landscape. At least that's what I felt I was talking about. Our view of things begins to change but we still find ourselves looking at old ways and behaviours and situations, which don't just go away over night. We would like to just ditch them and run for hills, and may have just done in the past. And now know that running isn't the answer and that we are in it. In it for all it's worth. All the situations we can turn around into gold, if we can only find the way.

But still, yesterday I listened to a podcast where the lady who mistakenly married very young, realized that her relationship was making her ill and that one day, she left that relationship. All the other elements in her life stayed the same, work, friends, interests. But leaving that one element behind, changed everything and her health return, almost overnight. Just by changing one thing.

This story speaks to me. Some elements of my life feel stuck. Like I'm not thriving. I'm stuck in situations with people which show no sign of changing. Truthfully I know life is always changing, because that's what it does, but which thing can I change? deep down I know it's the house I live in. I've had lodgers living here for the last 10 years, the whole time in fact. It's brought some great times and I've met some lovely people who have become friends. The financial aspect has been much needed. But for the last few years it has been waning. One situation there feels stuck, and although I feel I understand the reasons why and have worked hard to raise the vibration around it. It needs to change. On a personal level I find they don't completely honour who I am. It feels like looking at an old program which needs an update. And it could also be a mirror of some aspect of me which needs to change. I know that too. I feel like I am in stalemate. I start to feel myself shrinking and the walls build up higher. And I want to break free of them.

And then within our family situation there is one element that just won't change. I feel I've tried everything. Persuasion, force, therapy, modeling behaviour, I'm trying acceptance now. but you still know it's happening and your still collaborating. I can't change anyone can I and I can't save anyone else either. That's hard. That's a big lesson for me. I can only state my truth I think. Live my truth. Even if at times I'm still caught up in other peoples stuff.

So maybe at some point I will move. Maybe all the other elements will stay the same, and maybe some will change around that, we will have to see. Changes will be a foot eventually. Perhaps I will move to the coast. It's a process isn't it and we are all in it. 

***

On my blog, I guess things have changed here. I've been absent. I don't read blogs anymore. I've enjoyed the freedom of that. I don't have a blog reader anymore. Although I had to scramble mine because, they don't actually let you leave. I follow by email on some.

I took my blog roll down this morning. Perhaps I will gradually re-instate it with a few people who are on my radar. I've been enjoying a few minimalist living blogs and I haven't given up on my creativity, which I hope to build my new life around in some way. This seems to be a time of shedding for me, and then looking more closely at what is still there. I'm enjoying instagram. My shop seems to have sat in that static place which I find other areas of my life are in. I'm not quite sure what to make of that, except maybe other people aren't as keen on the denim backing as I am! and do I want to keep making cushions anyway? I think I will take down my Etsy badge to, see who I am without that here. 

So I may ramble here for a while. It feels like it's really just me and my waffle so far. But I like this space, always have and may waffle here some more. Like a journal perhaps. I can't do nicey nice right now. I have this piece of grit to roll around first and who knows maybe it will become a pearl, one day in the future. 

May the day bring you clarity and strength,

Heather

♥ 

  

  
 

some summery things.....

summer flower garland

I have been sorting out my craft/work space just lately. Actually I've been sorting out my whole house really. A lot of purging and clearing has been going on here behind the scenes. I think it might be never ending, I've been doing it for years. I'm also good at bringing it in though. But saying that, car loads have left, and it's beginning to feel like there's a little more space around things.

A happy discovery was this garland I found in my bag of crochet things. It's from a couple of years ago. I love it, it reminds me of when I first discovered the joys of crochet. I love all the different colours, you can see that can't you! Some I don't have anymore, lovely Rowan wool.

blues and greens on the common

In life, I feel like I'm getting ready to move into a new role. At home we are just beginning the last 6 weeks of school. After that I will no longer be a Mum of a school age child. It will be college and a whole new chapter. I feel like we are in a transition or getting ready for one.
.
I want to keep on blogging but I feel I need to wear it loosely.
Really I just want to make sure my focus is where it's needed, especially over this next six weeks.

a Peony saved from the mower

So I stepped back a little from blogging, I kind of gave myself a week or two off. It felt good, to just relax and be a reader instead.
I find it can take a long time to blog, or maybe it's just how I have been doing it.

By the second week I was starting to compose blog posts in my head!

fabric memories

I was sent a lovely gift of this Greensleeves fabric, by Claire from Poppysnest, who kindly agreed to a little blog swap. My Mum had curtains in her living room made from this material, which I spotted on her blog. It's a very much now fabric with Honeysuckle and summer flowers. Thank you Claire.

blue gingham nets

There has been a bit of sewing recently.
These blue gingham nets are a little experiment around where we eat. I was hoping to encourage my teen to sit here again, now it feels a little less like a gold fish bowl! I like it, it feels a bit cafe style, and a bit more private. Not that I want to shut anyone out, but the arrangement of people moving around here has changed thanks to a stuck door. Some of you might remember I have a couple of hardy cabin dwellers living here too. We share some parts of the house. There are some things you not allowed to build in your garden, without serious planning permission anyway!

lego vintage style caravan

 Well who spotted the cavaran?! This was a christmas present to me from my teen who found a long forgotten still valid lego voucher! The only things he would have ordered cost hundreds, and it wasn't going to happen. So I asked if he wouldn't mind me very much getting the caravan! I know, it's really childish. It took me about 5 months to make it. Isn't it sweet and why do they always put in extra parts?! I think it was the bunting and flowers on the window sill which sold it to me. Oh and the back opens and the sunbeds come out, easy now!

Anyway back to grown up things.

I made a little place for plants and crystals.

 I think I may be a bit more relaxed about blogging, whatever that means. Of course you will often find me and my photos on flickr and a little bit on instagram, which I like as much as putting a nice sweet in my mouth and then forgetting about it once it's eaten!

widflowers on the common

And you will always find me up here everyday with my camera, because this is my sanity and my breathing out, oh and my exercise!

the first climbing rose

So until next time, go well, and enjoy the weekend.

♥

This weeks sights.....

flowers from the garden

This is May's freely growing offering from my garden, I know I'm very lucky to have these out there.

tulip in the park

The park is another space, enjoyable in a different way. A whole lot of planning happens here. I do like their choice of Tulips.

cowslips on the common

On the common the Cowslips are doing their happy dance. Seeing them in the sunlight makes your spirits soar!

Cowslips and Orchids

I always think it feels like the earth is wearing it's big flowery shirt.

fresh oak leaves

 The day I got rained on, I managed to catch these very fresh oak leaves, I noticed how quickly they changed colour.

yellow retro fabric seat cover

At home I turned this already tube shaped piece of yellow floral fabric into a seat cover. It was very easy. I think someone else had done the same thing!

River Severn estuary - Portishead

There was a little jaunt to a new to me place by the river at Portishead, while the teen played airsoft. It's the river estuary at Bristol, I had several hours to explore and wander. This may become a regular two weekly thing so I'm not complaining.

The marina at Portishead Bristol

I had a good wander around the harbour and watched the lifeboat doing it's maneuvers.

estuary glass

I found glass on the beach too. I was very happy about that! Lots of it and quite big pieces, not very worn. I think from the more modern day drunken sailors to be honest. A camper van would have been nice to pull up on the beach front and hang out for the day. I noticed a few folks doing this, especially nice in cooler weather. One day!

wild garlic in the woods

Back at home this Wild garlic growing in the woods is always a show stopper. I always forget and then come along to find it. So lovely with the bright green canopy. The Beech leaves seem to green up last.

horse chestnut blossom

The Horse Chestnut blossom is always a delight. Such pretty colours. This has to be one of my favourite trees, there's always a very special place underneath a Chestnut tree! I always have to go under and just be there for minute, a little spot of tree hugging :-)

***

So this has been my week. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this space here and what I want to with it. Also the idea of a creative business and how that might fit in with my life. A lot of research has been done about how people do that and what needs to be done, more officially than unofficially. It's actually left me feeling pretty frustrated with the labeling and brackets we seem to need to operate from in our lives, more so when we have families to consider. It's easy to discover how the bracket we want to be in doesn't exist, at least not as part of the system. 

Overall I'm suddenly becoming aware of the ways that we do actually limit ourselves. It usually seems like the only thing to do, or even the right thing to do, but it still places us in a limiting situation ultimately. Where our life stays the same to meet that criteria. It doesn't open us to the full possibility. 

I feel there are probably people everywhere this is happening to, even if they are not aware of it. Perhaps this is what happens in a society. It places them in a group, which is not without it's support and help of course. But it just becomes difficult to let go of that and move into a new way. It's a curious thing and like I say I've just began to notice how many ways it happens, even in our speech and assumptions we make about ourselves. 

This may be the beginning of a life evaluation! I guess I feel the pull to move forwards but don't really know how to, just yet.

♥ 

oh ladies of the friday flea.....

vintage linens

Oh ladies of the friday flea, we do love you so, especially when you say 20p an item!

Please excuse the random photos in this post. I managed to lose all my holiday photos, before I could even look at them.....which can only mean I will need to go back there one day. I was looking forward to showing you the lovely beach at Durdles Door and reliving the lovely heatwave dip in the sea..... But not the treacherous climb to the beach!.....I think I'm okay with it, I have to let them go, although I'm trying to persuade the teen to get some of his instagram photos printed.

It's just another sign that I need a new camera and to try and hustle that up to the top of the list. Sometimes we just have to work with what we've got.

vintage hangers - I know what I'm going to do with these!

So I am back, and hello again. I didn't plan on it being such a long break, but somehow the loss of the photos seemed to leave my blog at the last post about the seven mile peace scarf for several weeks. Somehow I feel like it was the least I could do. I wish I had supported Jaine of Beeswax and Broomsticks more in her Wool against weapons quest.

The last 18 months or so for her must have been hugely challenging. I'm sure she would have felt as though her life had been taken over by this scarf. I confess when she told me about it I felt that it was just too much to make happen..... But she did it..... I can only look on in awe at the level of commitment that must have taken. How do you get 6,000 pieces of one metre length scarf made and sent to you?!.... You can see a 5 minute film of the day the scarf was rolled out here. Didn't they do well.

vintage embroidery brooch

Before my holiday I made a few embroidery brooches. I have decided it's all together easier to chop up napkins, rather than large table cloths, and that it would probably be fun to learn to embroider a few myself. Brooches that is not tablecloths.

vintage letter stamps

I'm looking forward to using these again. I'm still very much hoping to put more energy into my shop. For me this summer has been more about shuffling things around at home, fixing broken things (or finding someone who can!) summer jobs. The eternal quest to de-clutter. Making home, it's so very important to me.

blue bird toffees

So I'm glad I managed the summer holiday mission with the teen. He agreed to come. We both tried. It's hard to please a nearly 16 year old who wants to hang out and a Mum who wants to gallavant around the countryside having little coastal adventures! compromises were made. Maybe a little bit of new ground was found too. A bit of a space from the uncertainty that has surrounded us. I can see this newly growing up teenager now another year older and pretty grown up sometimes, becoming more ready to step into some new possibilties in a stronger way. The ground is feeling pretty solid beneath our feet right. I am so thankful really. Sometimes life can seem a little quiet. But I think quiet and steady is what we need right now.

It's great to say hi again. Thanks for coming by. Hope to catch up more soon. X

growing

I have a cold. I really need to honor this cold. Do you ever get to that point? I keep going, but in the end I realize I have to make space for the cold. Even if I stop, I don't mentally stop. That's hard to do. Lots of lemon and ginger drinks yesterday have helped. I want to avoid a cough. Things tend to get louder until they get our attention sometimes.

crocus magic

It all began with the three layers of rather yucky and damp carpet I pulled up from my conservatory a few days ago. I did stop and go and get a mask! I had no idea how bad it was until I starting peering underneath the layers. I did consider pushing all back down again. I even pulled up my wicker chair and sat there staring it for ages. Wondering what to do. Slowly realizing that the only way forwards from this point was it had to come out. All of it. There and then. By me. I just couldn't pretend it wasn't there, now I had seen it. It was a lot of carpet, I had to cut it up and heave it around. It was a mad push of energy. Three layers of damp carpet out of our life has to be a good thing. 

dreamy cherry blossom

Up until that point, I had been holding back. I try to look after my energy in the spring. So many ideas start to bubble. Tiling in the kitchen. Lets sort out those annoying bits in the bathroom. Chalk paint on the table perhaps? a bench to paint maybe. Or the big decision to clean the cooker.....it's reached that point. Our whole food thing needs new inspiration. I would be embarassed to tell you just how far we have fallen. But having a cooker that looks like something exploaded in it can't help. I need to have a bless the cooker ceremony! I hope we can find our way to new connection with food.

purple lovelies

Going for little carries with little dog has been a great work out for my arms, but they are feeling pretty sore now. She is tottering around. I feel like I'm trying to hold up a few difficult fronts all at once. I know this is life sometimes. I really appreciate any support I get. 

enjoying the coloured glass in the light

Indoors I have moved my glass panel to the front so the light can shine through. I am a big fan of coloured glass.

the reading pile

I snapped my reading pile to show you. It's actually grown by several more. I need to go to bed a little earlier so I have time to read. There are some great books here. Most of them found by reccommendations from around the web. In fact after reading the first chapter of most before buying I feel as though I am reading many books at once. I am just finishing The wisdom of my grandmothers. This has felt very appropriate after all the sorting and reconnecting I have doing with my family photos and belongings.

It's been quite a time here lately.

ready to journal!

I have sorted my pens and pencils, a little box of water colour, my journal. They are ready should the mood strike me for a little bit of colour and words. Have you seen this blog about journalling?

test test!

I have only managed to test my pens so far!

experimental

but I did find this water colour postcard experiment from along time ago. I put it on the wall. It's very 80's don't you think?!

the wool basket calls

The wool basket has been calling me. My arms have felt a bit too sore to crochet with lately. But I forced myself last night! Whilst watching some film I can't remember the name of. Sometimes you just need to sit down and crochet.

last night

Unknown object. Colours seem a bit spring like. A possible pan holder for the kitchen at this point!

And today is sunny, in fact the weekend is I think, here this spring.

So have a warm, creative and restful weekend won't you.

♥♥♥