Hello again... don't the months roll by? We were having this beautiful soft autumn and now there are only the last few leaves remaining, and it's cold, cold, cold. Winter is here. It felt quick didn't it? I've put grit on my drive-way and come eight in the evening I'm wondering whether it's bedtime.
I just wish I could remember what it was I wanted to say....I was so caught up in the photos.
Oh yes. I read a piece of good advice lately, from Tammy of Rowdy Kittens, Tammy wrote a 40 things to do before 40, and number 40 was 'stay in my lane'. To me that means, don't get too caught up in what everyone else is doing, trust in your own path. Sometimes, though, I'm not sure what is happening in my own lane.
I know I love to take photos and I've got a few things to say. I continue to look around me and wonder which part of my life needs my attention next. I like to be creative. I still harbour handmade dreams. I feel like I am beginning to come out of the fog of motherhood. Sometimes I think years may have gone by and nothing changed. I find myself trying to think backwards to try and remind myself of how I got to now. What were the things, that took up those chunks of time? Could I have done more? I tell myself to just be happy I landed here, now, somehow. It doesn't matter how I got here, only that I am here in one piece. Albeit, still a work in progress.
I stepped away from instagram a few days ago. I don't know how long for. I found myself trying to explain myself in increasing long posts, some changes I was trying to make with my shop and eventually I realised that I just needed to blog.
My teenager had been away several weekends ago and I had time to gather my thoughts enough to decide, that a name change or two, was imminent, a new shop name was happening, new/old ideas were about to fall perfectly into place. It all seemed so good.
I felt driven by the whole thing, then I felt uncertain. My self-care practices slipped away. I lost the alignment I had felt that weekend. Some kind of fierce momentum took over. Only instagram felt important. How does this happen? I think I may be someone who can't use social media, I'm not active on facebook either. Everything else falls away. What my own personal aims are. Whatever else I'm doing. The time to just look around me and see where I'm at. All gone.
So for now I closed the boxes. I will only use my phone for contact. A few days on and my mind is starting to feel expansive again, but I can feel it's pull. My awareness of what's happening around me is beginning to open up. I have some more time to think. I'm more available.
Perhaps it's just me, but I kept noticing how exhausted and driven some seemed as they felt compelled to post everyday. Some days ecstatic, and others vulnerable as they held on. A story of mulitiple accounts and scrolling at night while their family slept. It reminds me of one of those films where the hamster spins faster and faster on the wheel and you wonder if they're loving it or they just can't get off.....It's an addiction for sure. It's also a distraction.
I just need to remember that most creativity happens off-line, and if you are never off-line, it might not happen!
So we'll see what I will do about it. I yearn for simpler, for my own thoughts again. Also many people do have a website or blog, or newsletter so I can follow them in other ways.
So friends, be kindly, kindly, kind to yourself. Put down your phone. Take a deep breath. Do something else :-)