It's now clear to me where I need to put my energy. I talked about this in my three wishes post. It's difficult to push ahead with everything all at once, so I have to choose the most important things to me right now.
Last year I wanted to clear/simplify. Now I still live surrounded by many things, but during the year a steady flow of things no longer needed left this house. And I believe that I am bringing much less in now. I still like to move things around and shake things up. In fact one of the last things I did in my home for 2013 was shift and heave a very big desk and it's contents into a different room. I want to make a reading/writing/thinking corner in my room and create a clear craft room/creative space in another.
A have a friend who tells me that I like to have all the different aspects of my life in different boxes, and she might be right! So I have two rooms in relative chaos, and I'm looking forward to doing a final clear and sort.
My word for this year is commit. I say this a little quietly. As this may cause some squirmming to start. I know I am a responsible person, if i say I'm going to do something I will, but oh just watch me try and avoid commiting in the first place! I'm not sure why I find committing to things so hard. It brings up a lot of fear I think. That I won't be able to manage it, or will find myself out of my depth and without a lifeboat. I count my self as a resourceful person and I believe I have been trying to stay in a very safe place. One where I won't feel over-whelmed by my commitments. It's all been about protection. I don't think this has always been understood. So I have become good at wriggling out of things, just not doing it. Don't ask me. So I've made my boundaries stronger. But perhaps squeezed some of the possibilities out in the process! and I know that I'm waffling.
So commit. Most particularly to the goals I have set and in any other ways I can. Commit to begin to open myself out in trust and belief. To know that my life and my home is a strong enough place to step from. There is strength and there has been healing. Life will catch me if I fall. To hear life say yes you can. To drive across that bridge.
Did I mention my fear of bridges?
Well okay, one thing at a time.......
This independant, brave and fearless traveller needs to learn how to cross that bridge again, because there's a whole world out there.